A picture came up in my personal Facebook account from 3 years ago. We're at the beach and we all look so happy and content. It was a wonderful day.
What you can't see in that picture is that behind the camera I was struggling with several anxiety and an exacerbation of PTSD. Earlier in that year I had a knife waved in my face during a patient visit and it woke the beast of my PTSD that I had struggled with 20 years earlier after being raped.
Life isn't always as perfect as Facebook posts make it seem- there are often deep struggles behind the scenes. This picture reminded me of that. It also reminded me that there are moments of bliss even in the middle of a storm. That day I remember sitting by the water watching my kids and my heart stopped racing and I felt calm for the first time in months.
Facebook can make me feel intensely lonely. All the posts of perfect relationships, perfectly put-together children, tidy houses, etc. can make me feel like a big goddamned failure. I have to consistently remind myself that there are more to these lives than their Facebook perfection. Everyone struggles. Everyone. And, no one's life is perfect.
This picture was taken at Cordova Tower on our way to the beach. It somehow perfectly captures that day- a black tower of dread with just a hint of sunshine blooming through. There is hope everywhere.
We all struggle. It's easy to look through Facebook and feel as though you're the only one but it's not true. You are not alone, Love. And, it's going to be okay.