The False Perfection of Facebook

Facebook is a double-edged sword, isn't it? 

It has become such a vehicle for my own expression. As an introvert, it allows me to use my voice without leaving my home. On the Facebook page for my blog, I usually reach more than 10,000 people per week. That is far more people than I would ever interact with in my "real" life. I have the potential to use my voice for good and help others feel less alone. That is an amazing gift. On the other hand, it also opens me up to criticism and unkindness from people. It is much easier to be cruel when you are hiding behind your computer and people have said the most grossly unkind things to me. 

In order to avoid such conflict and unkindness and to portray ourselves as the most perfect, lovely people --we often curate our social media feeds to only show the best of our lives. I'm as guilty of this as anyone, although I'm trying to be more conscious of this and avoid doing so. 

So, is your Facebook wall letting people in or inadvertently keeping people out? Has your Facebook "wall" become a literal wall that isn't letting people see the true you?

What I mean is- do your Facebook posts and pictures show an intensely perfect and unrealistic version of your life that doesn't in anyway show who you really are or invite people to know the true you or are you okay with being real enough to show some vulnerability and at least a glimpse of the actual, honest-to-goodness, flawed and wonderful you? 

It's hard to be real amongst all of the false perfection, isn't it? 

I challenge you lovingly to not be afraid to show that picture of your daughter with the unfolded laundry on the chair behind her...share the status about the unreasonable anxiety that you've been feeling...ask for help for need it- whatever being real means to you. 

It doesn't make you any more amazing to project yourself as the false version of perfect that none of us could ever be. 

We are all perfectly imperfect. Yes, it sucks to be vulnerable and we are all a bit afraid of the internet trolls- those who wait for us to show a flaw and are ready to pounce on us like digital vultures. 

I always have to remind myself to 'eye roll and scroll' when I come upon those comments or, even better, delete and block those people. The negativity that they bring to the world has nothing to do with you- it really is a reflection of what is happening inside them. Unfortunately, even the kindest of posts can draw their wrath. It's not about you at all. You are perfect just the way you are. 

It's okay to be you. It's amazing to be you. I can't wait to see the real, authentic you splashed like gold across your social media feeds. You've got this, Loves. Internet trolls be damned, screw the false perfection and let your true self rise up. 

Come Undone: Ode to the Overworked Mamas

Women are expected to keep it together no matter what. We are the nurturers and the heart-center of our families. We work from sun-up to sun-down to make sure that everyone has what they need--often at the cost of our own bodies and sanity. 

Sometimes however,  we need to allow ourselves to come undone. 

To fall facedown into our pillow and cry until our tears are spent. 

To lock ourselves into the bathroom and cry under a running shower. 

To cancel the work meeting, PTA phone tree or coffee with an acquaintance that you really aren't needed at and really didn't want to go to so that you can have that internal freak out that has been brewing for months. 

To park in an empty parking lot and lay your weary head on the steering wheel, turn your damn phone off and cry until your eyes are raw. 

Come undone. 

Let go of the bullshit that's been stacking up on your shoulders for ages. 

Come the hell undone. The world and it's expectations will wait for you--I promise. This is your moment, Love. Fall apart. I swear that you will come back together again.

Allow yourself to be free of expectations if only for a moment. Allow your shoulders to be free of the weight of the world. Just be delightfully goddamned free of all the bullshit. 

Come undone. 

My God, doesn't it feel go to LET GO? 

You can have it all together again tomorrow. No one needs to know. Just allow yourself the respite, the freedom of coming undone. You deserve every moment, Darling. 

Come undone. 

It's going to be okay. It is.

Post-holiday Hibernation

The busyness of the holiday season has passed. Weeks of preparation- the baking, shopping, decorating, card writing blur of busy days that culminated in a single day of celebration are now done. I have blinked and the time has passed, leaving me exhausted and still.

I allow myself to sink deep inside where the shadow of the celebration still lives- inside my heart, which knows that each and every day is meant for celebration. 

The holidays have a way of amplifying everything- love, joy and sadness alike.

I am raw with feeling. My weary body cries for rest. My soul is now as coarse as if it had been rubbed with sandpaper and I nearly vibrate with the need to hibernate away from any and all stimulation.

This, the blurry days no longer marked on a calendar punctuated by holidays, is the time of my very own holiday- the hibernation of self. These are the days where rest is celebrated- sleep and quiet days lost inside a warm house while outside the cold wind ravages the barren Iowa topography. The snow does not discriminate. It falls softly over everything in it's path, softening the hard edges and forcing a calm to settle over the world, reminding our very souls of the importance of stillness. 

These are the days in which I remember the flickerings of my soul, the deepest parts of myself that were forgotten amidst the flurry of holidays that have been long lost to consumerism. 

Those harried days have passed and now, I am here. I am alone, deep inside my head with the thoughts that were forgotten in the bustle of the past months. Every year I promise myself that I will remain strong and still amongst the busyness of the season and every year I fail and lose myself inside the sanctity of busy- the place where your moving limbs blur the need to remember the core of who you are.

I was lost, but now I will find myself again.

There is nowhere else that I need to be, that I want to be. I am alone with only my own thoughts for company. I shall sink into this solitary place for as long as is needed. Until my life blooms again around me. Until I am rested and whole.

This is my holiday. A simple celebration of the quiet within.  There is nothing needed to prepare for this holiday- I am all that was ever needed.

Slow Dancing with Life: Stopping Antidepressants

I have suffered with bouts of depression and anxiety ever since I was a child- I would guess that these fits of sadness began sometime in grade school. I have always been a highly sensitive person and feel the sadness of others in a very deep way, often taking it on as a personal burden.  At times, these feelings become overwhelming and I become trapped in a world of deep sadness and anxiety, frightened to even leave my bed.

I was sixteen when I was placed on antidepressants for the first time. I remember the feeling of freedom when the Prozac took effect and I no longer felt the oppression of a constant stream of bleak thoughts that I felt I had no control over. With this freedom also came numbness, an inability to truly feel joy, but I was so grateful for the lifted weight that the numbness seemed a small price to pay.

In the past twenty years I have had three periods in which I was on antidepressants for a short period of time- the most harrowing time of which was the extreme postpartum depression I had after the birth of my second child.  I consider myself lucky to not have to be constantly dependent on medication, but struggle with asking for help when I know that I am in another bout of depression.

Early this year I took the last Lexapro in the bottle and realized that I was out of refills. With a start I realized that I had been on Lexapro for two years- a much longer period of time than I was comfortable with. I had asked the doctor for a prescription when I realized that the latest bout of depression was out of control and I was having trouble sleeping, eating and going about my day-to-day life. However, I had never meant for the antidepressants to be a long-term solution. I knew that it was time to come off of them and learn to manage my life again.

I admit that it is terrifying to live again without antidepressants, when they have helped to manage my emotions for such a long time. I fear the terrible sadness but fear the unreasonable anxiety even more. When my anxiety is at its worst, I cannot sleep and am frightened and jumpy at all times. It can be a living hell.

In the first months without the medication, I am always surprised at the myriad of emotions I experience. I do notice more sadness and anxiety when I am medication-free but I also notice more joy and energy. Anti-depressants leave me feeling a heavy, measured slowness and without that feeling I feel more alive than ever. If I manage my self-care, the days of depression are few and far between.

I find that life comes at me in stops and starts- days of joy punctuated with days of sadness that only envelope me for a short time before releasing me from their sticky grip back into the arms of happiness. When the days of depression are few, I can sink into the feelings and release them when I am though, even finding worth in the days of sadness as my creative soul tends to come alive and I bleed ink onto the page without any laboring.  I dance with the grief and sadness as easily I spin in the arms of joy, the contrast of the two reminding me that every feeling has a purpose.

For today, I will slow dance with life without medication streaming through my veins. I will find the worth in the good days and the bad and care for myself in the same loving way as I care for my beloved children. However, if there comes a day in which it is, again, time to ask unabashedly for help and an antidepressant prescription to manage the darkness, I will do so unashamed.  This life is a blessing and a curse and some days we all need a little help towards the light.

Magnesium for Anxiety Reduction and Sounder Sleep(and a giveaway!)

I am a huge proponent of the use of magnesium to help with anxiety reduction and sounder sleep. No supplement/mineral will work for everyone and each individual should talk with their doctor in deciding if magnesium supplementation and transdermal(simply magnesium absorbed through the skin, some studies show that our bodies gather more magnesium via skin versus through diet) use is a good idea for them.

What is magnesium and why is it important?

Magnesium is a vital nutrient that should be found in our body in large amounts. Magnesium is used by your body in many different biochemical reactions. Our ancestors likely kept their magnesium levels high with a steady diet of meat(including organ meats), water that naturally had magnesium in it and vegetables and fruits grown in soil rich with magnesium. In modern times many of us rarely consume organ meat, water processing methods now remove magnesium for our public drinking water and our soil has been depleted of magnesium. The National Institute of Health reports that the recommended daily intake of magnesium for adults is 320-420 mg and the average daily intake in the US is just 250 mg. In addition to the low daily intake of magnesium, stress also causes our bodies to waste magnesium. In our hectic and stressful modern society, I can only imagine that we are wasting magnesium in our bodies at a high rate.

There are many ways that low magnesium can impact the human body. In my personal experience, low magnesium appears to cause depression, anxiety and increased insomnia.

How do I increase my magnesium other than dietary changes?

Epsom Salt Baths

Insomnia is something that I have struggled with since childhood. So, when a friend told me several years ago that she was using epsom salt baths several times per week to increase her magnesium levels for better sleep at the suggestion of her doctor, I decided instantly that I would try it. After all, I loved to soak in the bath with a good book so what did I have to lose?

You can pick up epsom salts online such as at amazon -(Epsoak Epsom Salt 19.75 Lbs - 100% Pure Magnesium Sulfate, Made in USA) - however, you can find it at any drug store or with the over the counter medication in your local grocery store for much cheaper. I don't recommend the scented types as I have yet to find a brand scented with essential oils or other natural scents. I do, however highly recommend adding a few drops of your favorite essential oils to the epsom salts before putting them in your bath- it just adds to the lovely experience.

For a good epsom soak run your bath water very warm and add a minimum of 2 cups of epsom salts. Soak for a least 20 minutes and hopefully you will be as utterly relaxed as I am after an epsom bath!

Oral Magnesium

I sometimes take oral magnesium at night before bed. It does help me calm down but it does often cause some loose stools, as well(magnesium is also used as a laxative). If you are someone that struggles with constipation, as well, this may be a positive side effect. If not, start with a small dosage to see how your body adapts. I use a brand called Ultra Calm found here- (Natural Vitality Natural Calm Raspberry Lemon 16 oz). I have also tried the generic brand and you can save quite a bit of money that way- I personally found the taste to be terrible on the two generic brands that I tried. I imagine if you added the generic brands to juice instead of water it would be tolerable. 

Magnesium Lotion or Oil

I have not been able to find magnesium oil or lotion in my local area, so I purchase this from amazon. I began using the magnesium oil on my neck and shoulders when I would get tension headaches(which start in my neck). It really helps to relax the muscles and seems to ease the headache, as well. The magnesium oil I use is found here- Magnesium Oil 8 fl oz (237 ml) Liquid. I find that it lasts a very long time.

I started rubbing magnesium oil on my girls' feet before bed to help them sleep(it has been very successful) but they did not like the consistency of the oil so I purchased lotion for them. You can find the type that I used here -(Ancient Minerals Magnesium Lotion - 8oz Bottle).

After we ran out of the lotion one night, I improvised by adding the magnesium oil to some whipped coconut oil and lavender essential oil and the girls loved it. We did this for several months until I decided to look on Etsy to see if someone was already making a similar product(hey, I'm a working Mom of three- I'll cut corners anyway that I can!)

Low and behold- I found exactly what I was looking for at a cute little shop called Simply Owl Natural. This product is now a standby at my house.

The use of magnesium supplementation has, over time, decreased my anxiety, dramatically decreased my migraines and increased sleep quality for myself and my children. It is something that I recommend everyone research and decide if it would be helpful in your own life. 

Note: I was not paid for my mention of Simply Owl Natural products. All opinions are my own and I am simply a fan of the brand! 

Also, all Amazon links are affiliate links, meaning that if you purchase the item I receive a very small percentage of profits. I am a huge proponent of shopping local so please check your local stores and buy your products anywhere that works well for you!

Giveaway! *******giveaway has now ended- Mama On A Mission is our winner!********

Now, the fun part! I reached out to Simply Owl Natural to tell her that I was including her product in my blog post and they kindly offered to give away a care package for one lucky blog reader! 

The products that one winner will receive are as follows:

2 oz. magnesium lotion

Lip balm

Itch Stick

2 oz. vapor rub

Such a decadent care package for yourself or a loved one for the upcoming cold and flu season. 

Entry is easy! There are two methods of entry and you can do both for two entries into the giveaway. 

1) Favorite Simply Owl Natural's shop on Etsy here and comment below noting that you did so. 

2) Like Simply Owl Natural's Facebook page here and comment below noting that you did so. 

Please use separate comments for each entry. Giveaway will end at 8 pm Central Standard Time on Sunday, November 1st and the winner will be chosen via the random number generator at random.org. US entries only at this time, please. 

Truth Keeper

Every day, every hour, every minute, there are signs-some subtle, some glaring.

These signs whisper to me, scream at me, measure up the unworthiness of my work, of my mothering,  of my housekeeping, of my appearance...of my very existence.

Day after day, the heaviness accumulates. 

Dust falls on my shoulder, makes me shrink unto myself.

I am simply a vesicle to fill with the waste  of this exclusive and unreachable sorority.

It weighs heavier on my being, shutting out the voice of my electric soul until it is but the tiniest of whispers.

But no.

Not today.

Not today.

Today I will shake off this impossible, excruciating weight.

I will gather my pure, glittering truth and tattoo it unto my heart, where it shall never be forgotten.






Shine on, Dear Ones, Shine on.