Facebook Falsity and Moments of Grace

A picture came up in my personal Facebook account from 3 years ago. We're at the beach and we all look so happy and content. It was a wonderful day. 

What you can't see in that picture is that behind the camera I was struggling with several anxiety and an exacerbation of PTSD. Earlier in that year I had a knife waved in my face during a patient visit and it woke the beast of my PTSD that I had struggled with 20 years earlier after being raped. 

Life isn't always as perfect as Facebook posts make it seem- there are often deep struggles behind the scenes. This picture reminded me of that. It also reminded me that there are moments of bliss even in the middle of a storm. That day I remember sitting by the water watching my kids and my heart stopped racing and I felt calm for the first time in months. 

Facebook can make me feel intensely lonely. All the posts of perfect relationships, perfectly put-together children, tidy houses, etc. can make me feel like a big goddamned failure. I have to consistently remind myself that there are more to these lives than their Facebook perfection. Everyone struggles. Everyone. And, no one's life is perfect. 

This picture was taken at Cordova Tower on our way to the beach. It somehow perfectly captures that day- a black tower of dread with just a hint of sunshine blooming through. There is hope everywhere. 

We all struggle. It's easy to look through Facebook and feel as though you're the only one but it's not true.  You are not alone, Love. And, it's going to be okay.

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Slow Dancing with Life: Stopping Antidepressants

I have suffered with bouts of depression and anxiety ever since I was a child- I would guess that these fits of sadness began sometime in grade school. I have always been a highly sensitive person and feel the sadness of others in a very deep way, often taking it on as a personal burden.  At times, these feelings become overwhelming and I become trapped in a world of deep sadness and anxiety, frightened to even leave my bed.

I was sixteen when I was placed on antidepressants for the first time. I remember the feeling of freedom when the Prozac took effect and I no longer felt the oppression of a constant stream of bleak thoughts that I felt I had no control over. With this freedom also came numbness, an inability to truly feel joy, but I was so grateful for the lifted weight that the numbness seemed a small price to pay.

In the past twenty years I have had three periods in which I was on antidepressants for a short period of time- the most harrowing time of which was the extreme postpartum depression I had after the birth of my second child.  I consider myself lucky to not have to be constantly dependent on medication, but struggle with asking for help when I know that I am in another bout of depression.

Early this year I took the last Lexapro in the bottle and realized that I was out of refills. With a start I realized that I had been on Lexapro for two years- a much longer period of time than I was comfortable with. I had asked the doctor for a prescription when I realized that the latest bout of depression was out of control and I was having trouble sleeping, eating and going about my day-to-day life. However, I had never meant for the antidepressants to be a long-term solution. I knew that it was time to come off of them and learn to manage my life again.

I admit that it is terrifying to live again without antidepressants, when they have helped to manage my emotions for such a long time. I fear the terrible sadness but fear the unreasonable anxiety even more. When my anxiety is at its worst, I cannot sleep and am frightened and jumpy at all times. It can be a living hell.

In the first months without the medication, I am always surprised at the myriad of emotions I experience. I do notice more sadness and anxiety when I am medication-free but I also notice more joy and energy. Anti-depressants leave me feeling a heavy, measured slowness and without that feeling I feel more alive than ever. If I manage my self-care, the days of depression are few and far between.

I find that life comes at me in stops and starts- days of joy punctuated with days of sadness that only envelope me for a short time before releasing me from their sticky grip back into the arms of happiness. When the days of depression are few, I can sink into the feelings and release them when I am though, even finding worth in the days of sadness as my creative soul tends to come alive and I bleed ink onto the page without any laboring.  I dance with the grief and sadness as easily I spin in the arms of joy, the contrast of the two reminding me that every feeling has a purpose.

For today, I will slow dance with life without medication streaming through my veins. I will find the worth in the good days and the bad and care for myself in the same loving way as I care for my beloved children. However, if there comes a day in which it is, again, time to ask unabashedly for help and an antidepressant prescription to manage the darkness, I will do so unashamed.  This life is a blessing and a curse and some days we all need a little help towards the light.

Magnesium for Anxiety Reduction and Sounder Sleep(and a giveaway!)

I am a huge proponent of the use of magnesium to help with anxiety reduction and sounder sleep. No supplement/mineral will work for everyone and each individual should talk with their doctor in deciding if magnesium supplementation and transdermal(simply magnesium absorbed through the skin, some studies show that our bodies gather more magnesium via skin versus through diet) use is a good idea for them.

What is magnesium and why is it important?

Magnesium is a vital nutrient that should be found in our body in large amounts. Magnesium is used by your body in many different biochemical reactions. Our ancestors likely kept their magnesium levels high with a steady diet of meat(including organ meats), water that naturally had magnesium in it and vegetables and fruits grown in soil rich with magnesium. In modern times many of us rarely consume organ meat, water processing methods now remove magnesium for our public drinking water and our soil has been depleted of magnesium. The National Institute of Health reports that the recommended daily intake of magnesium for adults is 320-420 mg and the average daily intake in the US is just 250 mg. In addition to the low daily intake of magnesium, stress also causes our bodies to waste magnesium. In our hectic and stressful modern society, I can only imagine that we are wasting magnesium in our bodies at a high rate.

There are many ways that low magnesium can impact the human body. In my personal experience, low magnesium appears to cause depression, anxiety and increased insomnia.

How do I increase my magnesium other than dietary changes?

Epsom Salt Baths

Insomnia is something that I have struggled with since childhood. So, when a friend told me several years ago that she was using epsom salt baths several times per week to increase her magnesium levels for better sleep at the suggestion of her doctor, I decided instantly that I would try it. After all, I loved to soak in the bath with a good book so what did I have to lose?

You can pick up epsom salts online such as at amazon -(Epsoak Epsom Salt 19.75 Lbs - 100% Pure Magnesium Sulfate, Made in USA) - however, you can find it at any drug store or with the over the counter medication in your local grocery store for much cheaper. I don't recommend the scented types as I have yet to find a brand scented with essential oils or other natural scents. I do, however highly recommend adding a few drops of your favorite essential oils to the epsom salts before putting them in your bath- it just adds to the lovely experience.

For a good epsom soak run your bath water very warm and add a minimum of 2 cups of epsom salts. Soak for a least 20 minutes and hopefully you will be as utterly relaxed as I am after an epsom bath!

Oral Magnesium

I sometimes take oral magnesium at night before bed. It does help me calm down but it does often cause some loose stools, as well(magnesium is also used as a laxative). If you are someone that struggles with constipation, as well, this may be a positive side effect. If not, start with a small dosage to see how your body adapts. I use a brand called Ultra Calm found here- (Natural Vitality Natural Calm Raspberry Lemon 16 oz). I have also tried the generic brand and you can save quite a bit of money that way- I personally found the taste to be terrible on the two generic brands that I tried. I imagine if you added the generic brands to juice instead of water it would be tolerable. 

Magnesium Lotion or Oil

I have not been able to find magnesium oil or lotion in my local area, so I purchase this from amazon. I began using the magnesium oil on my neck and shoulders when I would get tension headaches(which start in my neck). It really helps to relax the muscles and seems to ease the headache, as well. The magnesium oil I use is found here- Magnesium Oil 8 fl oz (237 ml) Liquid. I find that it lasts a very long time.

I started rubbing magnesium oil on my girls' feet before bed to help them sleep(it has been very successful) but they did not like the consistency of the oil so I purchased lotion for them. You can find the type that I used here -(Ancient Minerals Magnesium Lotion - 8oz Bottle).

After we ran out of the lotion one night, I improvised by adding the magnesium oil to some whipped coconut oil and lavender essential oil and the girls loved it. We did this for several months until I decided to look on Etsy to see if someone was already making a similar product(hey, I'm a working Mom of three- I'll cut corners anyway that I can!)

Low and behold- I found exactly what I was looking for at a cute little shop called Simply Owl Natural. This product is now a standby at my house.

The use of magnesium supplementation has, over time, decreased my anxiety, dramatically decreased my migraines and increased sleep quality for myself and my children. It is something that I recommend everyone research and decide if it would be helpful in your own life. 

Note: I was not paid for my mention of Simply Owl Natural products. All opinions are my own and I am simply a fan of the brand! 

Also, all Amazon links are affiliate links, meaning that if you purchase the item I receive a very small percentage of profits. I am a huge proponent of shopping local so please check your local stores and buy your products anywhere that works well for you!

Giveaway! *******giveaway has now ended- Mama On A Mission is our winner!********

Now, the fun part! I reached out to Simply Owl Natural to tell her that I was including her product in my blog post and they kindly offered to give away a care package for one lucky blog reader! 

The products that one winner will receive are as follows:

2 oz. magnesium lotion

Lip balm

Itch Stick

2 oz. vapor rub

Such a decadent care package for yourself or a loved one for the upcoming cold and flu season. 

Entry is easy! There are two methods of entry and you can do both for two entries into the giveaway. 

1) Favorite Simply Owl Natural's shop on Etsy here and comment below noting that you did so. 

2) Like Simply Owl Natural's Facebook page here and comment below noting that you did so. 

Please use separate comments for each entry. Giveaway will end at 8 pm Central Standard Time on Sunday, November 1st and the winner will be chosen via the random number generator at random.org. US entries only at this time, please.