I was cleaning out my kindergartner's bag this morning and a self-portrait whispered its way out of the bag and onto the ground. As I picked it up, I couldn't help but smile. She had drawn herself as a princess standing in a castle underneath a chandelier.
I found myself reflecting on my older children's drawings at that age and the similar way that they had drawn themselves. Always in a supremely, empoweringly positive light. A princess. A prince. A hero.
<--Who wouldn't want to be that FABULOUS, right?
I don't like to think about what my self-portrait might look like. I struggle with feeling uncomfortable with my own physicality, my shyness, all the imperfections of myself. I imagine that there may have been a time that I would have drawn myself as a princess, but those days are long gone.
What is not long gone is the longing to feel those emotions tied up with my very self.
Beautiful(no matter what society says about what I SHOULD look like).
Perfect(in the knowledge that my imperfections make me ME and, in that way, I am perfect).
Happy(hey- this one deserves to be said in triplicate).
So, what in the hell is stopping me?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I am forcing myself in that direction. Towards the light at the end of this dark tunnel.
I'm going to try ever so much harder to love myself as I am. So that I can have all that wasted energy of self-hate to go towards making my dreams happen.
Because my kids deserve to have a Mom that loves herself.
Because I deserve the life that I am trying to give to my children.
One step at time, right? Moving towards that day that my own self-portrait is ripe with sparkles and unicorns.
I hope you'll travel the journey with me.
Shine on, Lovelies.