Inside

This week I met a couple of people in person that I had communicated with for a long time via Facebook/text, etc. 

Meeting someone for the first time in person is very hard for me. I'm incredibly scared of rejection. 

If I had the courage to speak my heart to those that I meet for this first time, this is what I would say-

I know that I am not society's idea of a beautiful woman. I have strong features and care little about my physical appearance. Please love me anyway. 

I know that I am overweight. I've struggled with my weight for years. I have PCOS which makes gaining easy and losing slow. I am highly sensitive and often drown myself in food and drink to cover the pain even though I loathe myself for doing so. Please befriend me anyway. 

I have no fashion sense. I am most comfortable in my hippie skirts, bare feet and threadbare Beatles t-shirts. My hair is often a mess and sometimes I don't even bother to match my clothes. Clothing seems so unimportant to me but I know how important these things can be to others. Please get to know who I am inside. 

I can be socially awkward. I feel the pain of the world in my heart and often want to talk about deep, deep issues. I hate the small talk that permeates our society- I want to know the real you, not about the weather and such. I know this isn't the social norm. Please hear me out anyway. 

I can be hard to get to know. I have been burned badly, especially by women. It can take a year or more before I let you all the way in. I am the most loyal person you will ever know. Please give me the time to trust you.

My outsides will never match what it shown on a magazine cover. Never. I could probably handle you rejecting my physicality. However- I, like everyone else, am really the person that is inside me. Please give that person a chance.