The busyness of the holiday season has passed. Weeks of preparation- the baking, shopping, decorating, card writing blur of busy days that culminated in a single day of celebration are now done. I have blinked and the time has passed, leaving me exhausted and still.
I allow myself to sink deep inside where the shadow of the celebration still lives- inside my heart, which knows that each and every day is meant for celebration.
The holidays have a way of amplifying everything- love, joy and sadness alike.
I am raw with feeling. My weary body cries for rest. My soul is now as coarse as if it had been rubbed with sandpaper and I nearly vibrate with the need to hibernate away from any and all stimulation.
This, the blurry days no longer marked on a calendar punctuated by holidays, is the time of my very own holiday- the hibernation of self. These are the days where rest is celebrated- sleep and quiet days lost inside a warm house while outside the cold wind ravages the barren Iowa topography. The snow does not discriminate. It falls softly over everything in it's path, softening the hard edges and forcing a calm to settle over the world, reminding our very souls of the importance of stillness.
These are the days in which I remember the flickerings of my soul, the deepest parts of myself that were forgotten amidst the flurry of holidays that have been long lost to consumerism.
Those harried days have passed and now, I am here. I am alone, deep inside my head with the thoughts that were forgotten in the bustle of the past months. Every year I promise myself that I will remain strong and still amongst the busyness of the season and every year I fail and lose myself inside the sanctity of busy- the place where your moving limbs blur the need to remember the core of who you are.
I was lost, but now I will find myself again.
There is nowhere else that I need to be, that I want to be. I am alone with only my own thoughts for company. I shall sink into this solitary place for as long as is needed. Until my life blooms again around me. Until I am rested and whole.
This is my holiday. A simple celebration of the quiet within. There is nothing needed to prepare for this holiday- I am all that was ever needed.